In an effort to curb drink and drug driving, a leading fashion brand, Bush Chook, has paired with Transperth and the Western Australian Government in an initiative they’re calling ‘Elimination of Munted Units’ or EMU for short. To get dangerous drivers off Perth roads, chook lovers will be encouraged to board one of the newly painted trains (pictured) and handover their keys in exchange for a free train pass, a six-pack of Emu Export and a Bush Chook singlet.
Minister for Transport, Barry Blackburn, officially launched the project to a shit-faced yet passionate crowd at a non-craft beer festival on the banks of the Swan River over the weekend. A visibly jubilate Blackburn slurred “We’ve had enough of those dickheads on our roads and something must be done!” In a surprise admission, the Opposition Leader, Don Gurke, has pledged his full support behind the scheme too: “The good folk of West Oz need a government incentive like this after being stitched up by Canberra’s outdated GST rules that hurt us sand gropers.”
While police statistics point to the majority of DUI arrests occur in the more affluent western suburbs of Perth, Blackburn said he was on the side of the battlers and loyal WA beer drinkers. He acknowledged that the $5.2 million dollar cost to taxpayers is a small price to pay for, what he coined, “The great EMU war of 2018”.
Best Australian reporter spoke with one brickies labourer from Struggle Street, Canning Vale. “Ken Oath!! I’ve got a few DUIs under my belt and me ute is on its last legs, this means I can do an insurance job on it and invest the payout on piss and crypto!”
The Bush Chook express trains will be running on both the Butler and Armadale lines from April 1 and are fitted with big screens playing Eagles and Dockers highlights and a UFC octagon for any footy debates that get out of hand.
*This is obviously satirical, Transperth and the WA Govt are in no way involved in this article, nor do they have a sense of humour.